Want to fuck yourself up the ass hands free? Well all is not lost the Queen knows just what you need. Here we go now; so pay close attention; wouldn’t want any of you morons to miss any of the important details. First off you will need a mattress, a broom, “not the metal kind, the old wooden kind with a rounded end”, lube for the hole of course, last but not least, set a side enough time for playing with your funhole. Now take your broom and your lube into your bedroom, put the broom with the handle sticking out
‘do I need to point out to you morons just leave about 6 inches sticking out”, between the mattress and the box spring. Now lube up your ass, bend over, and back slowly onto the broom handle. Is it in yet? Waiting…… Alright; you know the drill, back and fourth we go, that’s a good little bitch, keep on pumping it, are you feeling that wonderful feeling building up in your pucker hole yet? That’s right; faster, oooh almost there, one more, there we go. Was that as good for you as it was for me? How you may ask was it good for me? Well fuck that’s easy; just picturing one of you sad losers, bent over, fucking yourself with a broom handle gave me the best damn laugh I’ve had in days. Here, here to the joys of broom fucking and to all the sad losers that feel compelled to take it up the ass.
Posts Tagged ‘Fucking’
Butts and Brooms
Wednesday, June 10th, 2009Joys of Loaf Fucking:
Wednesday, July 30th, 2008It’s a nice lovely day, the aroma of bread baking in the oven drifts through the house. You wonder into the kitchen lured by the fragrance of the baking bread. Standing in front of the oven you feel the heat warm your body and a thought occurs to you. I wonder what it would feel like to take that nice warm loaf of bread, cut a hole into the back, hollow it out just a bit, and slide my fat cock deep inside. Yessss you think, this could be almost like fucking someone real. The hole in the loaf would be so warm, so snug; in and out you could go with that little dick. Pumping in an out, Oh yes, oh yes, that feels so damn good! Harder, faster, your almost there, ready to shoot your hot load. Then right when you cum, right when you are feeling the after glow, you hear; WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? You turn and there she is your other half, her face red with anger. You just stand their Dick in that loaf of bread, not knowing what to do. She walks over slowly, and then she says something you thought never to hear from her lips. She smiles a wicked smile, and then says that loaf should have an extra salty taste to it now; thanks to you. So my dear you get the pleasure of eating the whole loaf, right here and now in front of me. I’m not asking my sweet; I’m ordering you to eat that loaf right now. Slowly you remove the loaf from your limp cock, bring the loaf up to your mouth and start eating. While chewing you hear her laughing, and then to your shock she turns and says; I’m glad to know that there’s something in this world you’re good at fucking!HAHA Now it’s just to bad that the yeast in the bread can’t make that cock of yours grow nice and big like the bread; then I to might have something to fuck.
Drunk Dumbasses Who Call Phone Sex Lines
Sunday, September 2nd, 2007If there is one thing I love to hate, it’s the drunk dumbasses who call at every god-awful hour of the night. Now, mind you, a lot of these morons will spend some good $$, but lately, they just call up and slur their words for 5 minutes and then hang up. Borrrrrrring! Ya, and they call up AS IF I am supposed to be the one to entertain their sorry asses. LOL. Well, we all know how that goes, don’t we? Here’s a clue for you day old turds: I’m not here to entertain you fucktards!! Think of something interesting to say when you call, or don’t fucking call! If you call and say nothing and just mumble, slur and grunt, I’m going to put the fucking phone down and ignore you WHILE YOU PAY ME TO IGNORE YOU. Don’t like it? Don’t have something interesting to say to make me laugh? THEN DON’T FUCKIN’ CALL, stinkwad. Christ. But you know what I’d really like to do to you morons? Ram a baseball bat up your asses while you drink an eighth of vodka and sing the national anthem. LMAO.
If doing phone sex has made me realize one thing and that is there is no hope for the human race. Too many of you mindless twits polluting the planet and sucking up the air we smart people need to breath. Then again, without the dumbasses, I’d be out of a job, so I guess I should count my blessings. lol.