Help I Have a Small Dick! HAHA!

It seems that some of you losers are under the impression that the Queen is into giving free advice. While I don’t mind answering a few questions here on this website, I will not do so indefinitely. I may answer two of your questions, if I’m in the mood to, but I will not keep giving you advice on your sexual problems for free. This is not a newspaper column, and I am not fucking Dear Abby. If you have a small cock, if you have a limp dick, or what ever the fuck your problem is, if you wish to get my help and advice then pick up the damn phone and call. Other wise don’t expect to take up my time here on this website.

Oh and one other thing. If you are going to ask me if I think you have a small dick, it is always helpful if you send the Queen a pic of said small cock. From what some of you are saying I don’t even think you know if you do or you don’t have a small dick. Just show me a pic; I’ll be more then happy to tell you how lacking you are in the cock department.

Still confused? Let’s go through this step by step.
1) Queen will only give out a certain amount of advice on this board, and then you must pay for it.
2) There is an email address on this site; have a small dick, send a pic.
3) In case you haven’t noticed; the Queen has a message board, have questions, go there and ask. Keep in mind though; you will only get a certain amount of my time there also. After all the Queen is very busy.

Class over, end of this lesson; do let me know if you need further help with the instructions listed above I realize some of you are slow, and if this is the case then just read over the instruction twice then maybe you’ll fully understand. After all there’s always hope for morons.

Mistress White and the Small Dick Dwarfs

Once upon a time there was a beautiful Mistress with hair the color of midnight, skin pale as cream, and lips of rose red. All through out the land longed to be near and serve this beautiful yet cruel Mistress, but only a lucky few received this honor.

Across the way was a wicked evil which that hated Mistress White because she longed to be the fairest of them all. She decided to do a way with Mistress White, thus end her problem for good. She hired a woodsman to take her into the woods and kill her, but ordered him to bring back her heart as proof. The woodsman did as he was told but once in the woods could not kill the beautiful Mistress White for he was caught in her spell and only longed to serve her in any way that he could. He told the lovely Mistress to stay in the woods until the time was right and the evil witch was dead.
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Sweet Dreams:

When you close your eyes do you dream about the Queen? Sure you do; after all we all dream of things we cannot have. HAHA! But hey it’s not a total loss after all any of you losers have a way to reach out and contact the Queen. That’s right any of you morons surely know how to use a phone so there you go. Just think you can call and talk with the best damn bitch you could ever dream to meet. Verbal abuse hell yes I’ve got that covered. Humiliation; you bet that and more. Got a small dick I can have a blast laughing my ass off all at your expense. Don’t worry all you little sissy bitches out there the Queen knows just what you need so got that covered too. Damn I good!

Losers Come Amuse the Queen

Let’s play a game shall we. So here’s the deal losers, I’m bored and find I’m in the mood to have you amuse me. Now you may ask yourselves how you might amuse someone as grand as the Queen. Well I will tell you. You can give the Queen a call and tell me all about what a loser you are. Tell me about that small cock you dream of one day pleasing a woman with. Tell me about how you can’t even last 3 minutes with a real woman. Tell me about how the only date you can get is with a blow up doll. Sad to say any way you look at you have to pay for pleasure. The blow up doll cost you money and hell if you ever want to hear a woman moan while you’re having sex with her you are going to have to pay for that too. So go a head, make my day, give me a good laugh and tell the Queen all about what a sad loser you are.

Are You Ready to Take The Cock Pledge?

Well now my little loser the Queen thinks it’s time for all of you to do a little spring cleaning. I know all of you piss heads have been neglecting your over all pecker hygiene. Let’s face it, it’s time to trim the bush and buff the cock. Face it you might have a better chance of getting someone to pay attention to that useless dick if you improve the over all look. Also if you trim that hairy thatch that tiny wiener might look a little bigger. So here’s what the Queen wants you to do to improve the over all look of that poor excuse of a ding a ling.

Okay dip shits repeat after me; I swear to trim my bush and polish my tiny dick at least once a week for my Lovely Queen. Alright if you said your cock pledge then let’s proceed. First off you will need to have these items ready to begin your task, something to trim with, a cloth, and a can of lemon or orange furniture polish “Pledge if you have this in your area”. Now to begin you will need to trim that bush in what ever manner you feel you can accomplish without cutting your little pecker off. Next clean all the trimmed hair away, and then perform your favorite hand shake on your cock to make it nice and hard, spray your dick with Pledge from base to tip, then slowly start buffing your cock from base to tip till it has a nice shine. Oh yes I know; that little dick now feels the need to cum, you want to shoot that load so bad now don’t you? Well tough shit moron the Queen didn’t give you permission to cum so if you spew your goo you had better be ready to lick every last drop up! Now if you managed to complete this task without jacking off you have proven you can follow instructions and your tiny Dick now has a nice shine and smells like citrus. Go out find a woman, see if you can get lucky, if you get her to sample your cock she will be most happy that you were thoughtful enough to trim the pecker and give it that nice clean smell. If you were one of the losers that couldn’t finish and had to cum; well at least it smells nice but doubt you will have any luck with the ladies. After all you have no self control so how long would you last between the sheets anyway. HAHA! LOSER!!!!

Do You Like Creamy or Chunky?

Do you ever feel the need to march to the tune of a different drummer? HAHA Dip shit if that’s your desire then you have come to the right place. Come on over and join the Queens Army and find out just how well I can whip you into shape. That’s right Morons you will be marching, jumping, crawling, any damn thing the Queen orders your stupid worthless ass to do you will be Johnny on the spot ready to serve. Yes Queen, WHAT’S THAT I CAN’T HEAR YOU! DON’T YOU TOUCH YOURSELF THERE; YOU HAVEN’T EARNED THE RIGHT TO DO SO YET. I WILL TELL YOU WHEN AND HOW MUCH YOU CAN STROKE THAT COCK. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? Alright then prove to me you can listen and follow the orders I give you. Down on the floor, DON’T LOOK AT ME THAT WAY, I SAID DOWN ON THE FLOOR! Now pisshead give me 40 push ups right now. Feeling the burn yet? Good. Now crawl your loser ass over to that wall on your left. That’s right; now stand in front of that hole in the wall. Drop your pants, take your limp dick and make it nice and hard, that’s right, now stick it in the hole. You dare to ask your Queen what that thick goo is you are pumping your poor excuse of a pecker in. Well dipshit I will be happy to answer that one for you after a few more pumps in the hole. Oooooh sounds like lonesome loser is ready to cum. Was that a good wall fuck sugar pie? Well now that you’ve had a nice time fucking the wall I will tell you what you just made love to. Peanut Butter; that’s right Johnny on the spot, you will now be known as my Peanut Butter Fucker. HAHA! Maybe with a little more work you can work your way up to a nice glory hole. But not yet; no you still need to work on fucking the Peanut Butter shit head. HAHA!

Guess What?

Well now it would seem that you silly twits are not the only ones that love to read the warped writings of the Queen. I have now been featured on for one of the eloquent post I wrote. So you see I will have a much larger following of losers in need of someone as wise and wicked as the Queen to lead them to the pleasure they desire.

The Itty Bitty Pecker

I can see before you call that your pecker is too small! That’s right piss heads bet you didn’t know that the Queen is also clairvoyant. I can say with up most confidence that most of you have what only can be termed as “less then adequate equipment”. I can also say that most of you “if not all” don’t even have the brain cells to be able to notice that; “The women you are with are not enjoying that miniature cock”. Do you ever notice when you pull out your itty bitty dick that maybe she has a look of shock? Do you know why she has that look of shock on her face? In answer to that, this is what’s going on in your head right now; “we are experiencing technical difficulties due to the realization that you do have a small pecker” tecdiff.jpg . Well dipshit had enough time yet to get that brain back on track? Well then let’s continue. I will try to explain for the 100th time that a small cock is only pleasing to the moron that it’s dangling from. That tiny dick has been your pride and joy since the first day you discovered you could wank and pull on it and get that feel good feeling you now know and love. When you try to poke a women with it “yes I said poke because half the time you miss the hole”, she is wondering when you will be done. Why she is wondering when it will be over? The reason is; IF SHE’S NOT FEELING PAIN OR PLEASURE THEN WHY BOTHER! That’s right; she’s thinking how in the hell did I end up with a small dick, useless pecker head AGAIN! Do you have any idea how big of a let down it is for a women to find out that once again she is going to be in for another disappointing night? No, that’s the problem with you morons; you are always thinking about your useless pride and joy. So tell me what have you learned from my words of wisdom? Do you now know you are the only one that enjoys the little pecker that thought it could, a women doesn’t want what little you have to offer nor need it, so now you know; keep that damn small thing to yourselves! End of lesson one, do let me know if you need lesson 2.